The Incredulous stand off to the side with jaws agape and ask questions at least as unintelligent as your behavior.
Q: What were you thinking?
A: Thinking ... ?
Q: How could a person of your intelligence and ability have been so stupid?
A: It was actually pretty easy ...
Q: Didn't you know what you were risking?
A: Well, at the time, it was obscured and/or irrelevant.
Q: What the hell does that mean?
A: Next question ...
As a veteran of the Catastrophic Misstep, I can say this much: When the house is on fire, it is best to run back in, throw the essentials in a box, run back out, toss the box in the back of the truck, and drive off as fast as you can. Then stop on the outskirts of town and go through the box, salvaging what you absolutely must have and throwing the rest away.
You will soon discover some things that you only suspected before the fire. You will discover that any attempt to explain what happened, however benign and non-defensive and responsible, will only make you sound guiltier, self-justifying, and an even bigger loser than you already are. Beware digging a bigger hole.
You will discover that, while the curious seem to want answers and to understand, they are actually self-medicating on your demise and your misery. This is really disappointing but, hey, there has to be some way to explain the success of tabloid journalism.
You will discover that you, and everybody else, are actually an AINO - an Adult In Name Only - and that the things that really drive your impulsions and compulsions are embarrassingly infantile, difficult to face even in the safe confines of a therapist's office. What you did wasn't a mistake - a mistake is turning right when you should have turned left because you were distracted by a Hooters billboard. It was a bona fide misdeed. And, in spite of the cliche, it didn't happen because you were 'only human' - it happened because you somehow failed to ackowledge that fact.
You will discover that what others think of you, for better or for worse, is not only not within your control but also is none of your damn business. People will say things about you that are deeply unfair, but, if you want justice, you will find it somewhere between jackass and justification in the dictionary. You should get out of the business of trying to get people to understand once and for all.
You will learn in time that you are not The Worst Person in the World, but that it's going to feel that way for a long time.
You will discover that schadenfreude is more than a cool sounding German word.
You will learn that you will turn loose of the guilt and the self-contempt and the bitterness when you are done with them and not a moment before. Your need to hang on to them should make you curious.
You will learn that it's not the end of the world, although that lesson requires a lengthy time in class.
And, finally, you will learn that you can't go back but you can move on.
